It’s one of those awkward moments when a writer finds her way back onto an abandoned blog . . . a blog meant to be a journal of the daily journeys and trials and joys. But this year was just one of those years . . . I did blog some, over at my other place https://fortiscorde.wordpress.com/
When I turned 18 this summer I also finally got a tumblr: http://rebelise1776.tumblr.com/
An instagram!!!: http://instagram.com/rebeccaelise96
This year was terrible and wonderful simultaneously. In all honesty it was a year I began to step Heavenward and God taught me many, many lessons. I began to take steps towards dying to myself in order to live in Him. I took detours and avoided looking to God for help and it’s still definitely a struggle (turning to him and looking to him for answers and comfort). I’m stuck in that awkward place, so well described in Lady Antebellum’s song “American Honey”:
Couldn’t wait to get goin’
But wasn’t quite ready to leave
That so accurately depicts how I feel right now. I’m about to begin the final semester of my high school years, I am on the road to recovery after a jaw surgery, I’m graduating in May, and then Summer of 2015 I’ll be heading off to University of Dallas where I’ll pursue my major in English and possibly study art alongside. I’m a “legal adult”–I finally have my own car, I have a job, I am getting somewhere. And yes! I am completely excited about the year ahead. It is full of promises and excitement and change and even though I hate change I want to face it straight on.
And then another part of me pulls back, hesitant and unsure. I don’t want to leave home, move into a dorm . . . actually be an adult. It terrifies me, honestly. I know I’ll be horribly homesick. I know I’ll probably cry quite a bit my first semester at the Uni. I don’t want to grow up. But there’s the beautiful knowledge that this place is perfect. I was originally struggling last summer with the trouble of trying to decide between a college like University of Dallas (a truly amazing place by the way) . . . or some huge school like the Art Institute or RISD or SCAD . . . or even CalArts. But every time I thought of those places and what it would mean . . . surrounded by secular culture, as I’m trying to grow into a mature, Godly young adult, it just paralyzed me and I felt panicked. It all turned out all right though . . . this past summer of 2014, the summer I turned 18, I took an experimental step and attended the Dallas Art Institute art camp. The part of the camp I attended was geared towards animation and game design.
It was one of those definitive experiences, and I’m so grateful for it. I didn’t enjoy my week at the Art Institute, to be up front about it. Sure, I may have shared pictures of my drawings and instagrammed my happy smiling face as I set off to a workshop in a mac-lab with one Disney animator, where we drew on these huge digital art tablets in Autodesk Sketchbook . . . we worked in this freaking difficult 3D art program in another computer lab, where this terrifying teacher walked us through every detail of the exhausting CG animation process. Even though the school had that very retro artistic feel to it, with the awesome tablets and art studio with beautiful clay bust portraits and sculpture figurines and the mac labs and the high-tech equipment on this big-city campus . . . it wasn’t right. I knew it from the first day. It was a huge change of my focus, but I have made my choice.
University of Dallas (which sent me my acceptance letter this October . . .so I’m almost officially enrolled . . .). It’s perfect. The people. The worldview. There is this beautiful atmosphere there . . . everyone wants to be there, exploring the intellectual tradition that the Catholic Church academically pursues . . . I can’t even put it into words, but I know I belong there, and I’m extremely excited about this Fall. I’ll be a UD graduate of 2019 . . . and already I’ve chatted with the young men and women who will probably be attending also. Some of them haven’t decided yet, but they all share my enthusiasm about UD.
So, without further ado, I end this by saying that I look forward to 2015 and all the promise it holds. God bless you, reader.
Please venture over to my Fortis-Corde blog to read soon-to-come posts about writing, art, music, poetry, and a variety of other subjects.